It's a long story...: July 2007

I think we can all agree that andy would enjoy this

Anger Management
>
>
>When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take
>it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out
>on someone you don't know.
>
>I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to
>make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered, saying "Hello."
>
>I politely said, "This is Chris. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?"
>
>Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right f***ing
>number!" and the phone was slammed down on me.
>
>I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down
>Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally
>transposed the last two digits.
>
>After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.
>
>When the same guy
>answered the phone, I yelled "You're an asshole!" and
>hung up. I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to it, and
>put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills
>or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an asshole!"
>It always cheered me up.
>
>When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic 'asshole'
>calling would have to stop.
>
>So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from the
>telephone company. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller
>ID Program?"
>
>He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone. I quickly called him back
>and said, "That's because you're an asshole!" and hung up.
>
>One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot.
>
>Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had
>patiently
>waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting
>for that spot, but the idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale " sign in
>his back window, so I wrote down his number.
>
>A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I had his
>number on speed dial), I thought that I'd better call the BMW asshole, too.
>
>I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?" He said, "Yes, it
>is." I asked, "Can you tell me where I can see it?" He said, "Yes, I
>live at 34 Oaktree Blvd , in F airfax . It's a yellow rambler, and the
>car's parked right out in front."
>
>I asked, "What's your name?" He said , "My name is Don Hansen."
>
>I asked, "When's a good time to catch you, Don?" He said, "I'm home
>every evening a fter five."
>
>I said, "Listen, Don, can I tell you something?" He said, "Yes?"
>
>I said, "Don, you're an
>asshole!"
>
>Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when I
>had a problem, I had two assholes to call.
>
>Then I came up with an idea.
>
>I called Asshole #1. He said, "Hello." I said, "You're an asshole!"
>(But I didn't hang up.)
>
>He asked, "Are you still there?"
>I said, "Yeah."
>He screamed, "Stop calling me!"
>I said, "Make me."
>He asked, "Who are you?"
>
>I said, "My name is Don Hansen."
>He said, "Yeah? Where do you live?"
>I said, "Asshole, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd , in Fairfax , a yellow
>rambler, I have a black Beamer parked in front."
>
>He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start
>saying your prayers."
>
>I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole," and hung up.
>
>Then I called Asshole ..2.
>He said, "Hello?"
>I said, "Hello, asshole."
>He
>yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."
>I said, "You'll what?"
>He exclaimed, "I'll kick your ass,"
>
>I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right
>now."
>
>Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived
>at 34 Oaktree Blvd , in Fairfax , and that I was on my way over there to
>kill my gay lover.
>
>Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down in Oaktree
>Blvd. in Fairfax ..
>
>I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax . I got there just
>in time to watch two assholes beating the crap out of each other in
>front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter and surrounded by a
>news crew.
>
>NOW I feel much better.